Wolves Riding Bears.

Just so you know.

1. I have no one who would want to date me.

2. My course sucks.

3. I'm never happy.

4. I never know where/how to place myself.

5. My feet smell.

6. I am not really sure what I want or how to get it.

7. Something.

8. Jon is always scrutinising me.

9. My hair is making me feel weird.

10. :(

:']

- I like Ricky Gervais as person. I feel that, in person, he is unbelievably hilarious. The XFM radio shows he made with Karl Pilkington & Stephen Merchant, for me, are the funniest pieces of radio ever broadcast. Also, I find him to be extremely intelligent and The Office is amazing. I find his opinions always just, amusing, yet, extremely well thought out, intelligent and respectable.

- I like This Town Needs Guns. They are probably my favourite band at the moment. I find their music to touch me in a way most other music does not. I love Stuart Smith's vocals, lyrics, the guitar chords and the general structure of every song they make. They're one of the best bands in Britain.

- I like the fact that I am generally less judgmental and cynical than people who would like to claim their own intelligence. They often claim me to be some sort of 'pseudo-intellectual' but given the fact that I am not trying to impress anyone but myself, I can hardly see how that one works. Also, whenever I criticise anything, I just want the best out of it. I see the world's holes, and just dream they would heal up, and whenever I comment on them, I'm merely coaxing some aid towards them. I don't want to make these people feel like they're so kind of mistake to the world, like many 'intelligent' people i've known. They're merely fascists of intelligible content and if you don't agree with their ideals, they get all passive aggressive and bitchy on yo' ass.

Do you ever get that feeling that you're constantly the bottom of the list for everyone? That, given the chance, people would rather sigh and do nothing than spend any time with you?
Yeah, I get that. A lot.
People generally don't seem to care about talking to me or paying attention to me, and whenever anyone does seem to, you don't need it, or it's from people that you don't really expect to care.
Next to strangers who you met a mere few weeks ago.
Why does this happen?
Surely people you've known for a while should actually give a shit about your existence.
Surely they should care about your well-being or actually being around you and talking to you.
Why do the people you think are worth putting the effort into never seem to want to care?
They're always apathetic or just clearly uninterested in caring for whatever sympathetic need you need.

I am sick to death of having 'friends' that don't even care about talking to me.
Why is it always the case that I have to instigate everything?
I can't remember the last time I was asked if I wanted to do anything interesting or time consuming.
People just don't pay attention.
I often get the feeling from many things that I am not worth anyone's time.
I'm still single, I always get crap off people and my 'friends' always have to give me crap deals about being with them.
It's always like 'Oh, so and so will be there too' or just an excuse not to do anything and when you do get people to do things they say things like 'Oh, I didn't want to do it, but, I didn't want to let you down'
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Why can't things just go well for me for fuck sake?!
I'm sick of settling for fourth place.

You put a thing out on Facebook saying 'Anyone want to do something this easter?' and one person replies to it.
One.

I don't know if it's the same for anybody else, but, I have no luck with love, really. There are many conditions for this, several of which, I am unsure how to actually change.

Firstly, I always seem to find a large difficulty finding anyone that keeps my attention. When it comes to partners, I am usually very picky. They've got to be exact, and when I feel like I'm being 'lenient' with allowances, I always feel like I'm trailing after people that I'd rather not. I often feel quite next to nothing towards the people who are actually interested in me. But, then, as I said above, I sort of give them a chance, but, yet, they're as half arsed as I should be. I don't actually care, but, I have nothing better to contend with, so, I try and make do and, these people I am making do with don't actually try hard enough for my fake-interest. Secondly, when they actually try with me, I don't seem to care anyway and just remind myself that I don't actually care, fancy or love these people. I never know what to do with people. Nothing ever seems to be enough for anyone.

I recently lost a friend; this person (who, I wont name, because, it's quite pointless to) was someone I would have considered a close friend. He was someone that seemed a bit more interesting than everyone else. From what I could tell, we were really good friends after such a brief moment of time; we always had a good time together, we never had problems making conversation, we made each other laugh, things seemed good. I felt that he was a keeper. However, like all novelties, they either fade out into mundaneness, or just can't stick around.
A week or two ago, he randomly decided to be unsociable with me. I noticed it straight away, but, tried to put it off as paranoia. However, I enquired and asked him personally, to which, he said he had and that there was a reason. He said enough to let me know that it was my doing, but, refused to confirm exactly what. I did my best, but, I couldn't get anything out of him. So, I left him for several days, hoping, things would straighten themselves within a few days and things just would go back to normal.
Last Wednesday, I was DJing at a gig in Wrexham, and I was on my Laptop (For that was what I DJ'd from); throughout the night, I began to think on him and the fact that we were still not talking. Eventually, at the end of the evening, Jimmy, my Djing cohort, told me that the friend in question had been bitching about me to him and another collective friend of ours. Apparently he said that I was far too nice and buddying with him and that I generally irritated him with my consistent friendship.

So yeah.
People suck.

I am writting to you now from an iPod Touch. The wonders of new media.

Today, whilst walking around my lovely town, I decided to pay a visit to be library. It has two certain sections which they usually devote to artistry. One in it's own room, the other, in the main library. It's quite nice. It's exhibition today was that of hanging buttons; beautiful, random buttons. I adored it. I even wrote a little note to congratulate the artist on their work. I told them that I would love it more if it were stuck to my roof.

I am sitting here, drinking a reasonable cup of coffee, looking pretty fashionable and sophisticated (PHOTO) and am minutes from getting in the car and going to DJ at a gig. My dad may be getting me an iPod Touch in the near future and I am not moving until I have finished my coffee.

I am imaging how things will go. My fingers are crossed and I am just praying that my mind will last long enough on the image of you. My find is very fickle these days.
I can't help but try and mock romanticise us together, regardless of my empty heart. It would appear that I bare no feelings for you at all, however, whenever you're away long, I seem to miss you still.
Maybe I don't miss you specifically; maybe I just miss the idea and role you present.
But, at any rate, we will never meet, so, it's all fine.

Yet, I can't help but be drained by your rejections regardless of empty heart.
Maybe I'm just playing along.
I can't think of anything better to do.

My fingers still claw for you, however, despite it all.
I cannot help it. But, for you, I feel the same as I do most.
It gets to a point where I am not finding anyone that seems to fit the caliber, but yet, I'm making do with what I have, in it's minimal form.
What else am I meant to do?

You may be wondering (of course, who the fuck are you to wonder?)...

Okay scrap that. You wouldn't have wondered. You're not even reading this, so, I will just say it for my own amusement.

My name; Wolves Riding Bears; It is a reference. I listen to a podcast network called Simply Syndicated. At one point, I cannot remember which, during a show, it was brought up that wolves would be riding bears. I cannot remember, please, leave me be you cynical fucks.
"Look! It's wolves, riding bears!'

So yeah.
Also, I would hopefully like to utilise it for a band name one day. A hardcore band of some sorts. Maybe the band that might be happening with Rob, but, that doesn't even seem to be making any process right now, so, I doubt that will ever go anywhere.

But yes.

I have another blog you may wish to ignore. It's called 'Finally, Music!' where I review music. Pretty cool, huh? If you head to YouTube, you should be able to find the crumbling remains of a music review channel I did with YouTuber Ofarevolution441, called Thenewnorm. Unfortunately, the flow has been lost, due to Jason being flooded with work and I care very little any more.
Don't rely on other people, is that I say to you.
Make your own music review blog.

I feel that my blood is leaking out of my sides, and through my eyes, and through my sides.
People seem to forget my heart of glass has a stone in place of a heart of glass.
Please, bring me to the head here, because you know I can prosper far.
Oh, great shakes change the world.
Oh, great shakes move the planet sideways.

We are all awaiting the next big change, I am full'a change, all about change.
Move on forward and prosper. Don't deflect. Don't reflect.
We need to move on and change a bit, we savages.

The name of the band is so oddly placed given how beautiful and relaxing the song is.

Maybe you're just being destroyed with kindness.

The song is called Freedom Blade.