Wolves Riding Bears.

What do YouTube adverts take me for?

I needed some pockets for my folder, I phone my mum to ask if she can pick up some whilst out, she says "Ask Dad".
So, I ask Dad.
He gives me this overly long inquisition about why I need them, how soon do I need them and can't I make do, etc, etc.
Really kind of trying to avoid being a Dad, bless him, it must be so stressful being such a committing father, and then your son asks a small favour to help with his college work.
How does he manage it?
And then he just gets all moody, so, I go 'Oh, forget it, i'll get some myself" in a manor of 'This is pointless' rationally.
And he gets all stroppy, like a fucking child and is like intensifying everything I asked, in repeat form in a kind of you're in the wrong, sarcastic fashion.
And he's just basically pretending he said he would go and get me some to prove a point that he can't deal with his own fucking social situations with other people.
He's clearly not a people person.
And apparently going 'Do you need them right this minute?'
and me going 'Well, yeah'
Is a subtle agreement that he will go and get them.
Ridiculous.
And that didn't even happen.
He just quoted it at me.

And he's the father...

"By the very nature of being human, it's impossible not to be confused by your own mind"

"People who keep things 'the same' can't dream of anything. It's already been dreamt for them."

As much as I did enjoy playing Guitar Hero: World Tour, I don't think I can actually own it now.
We've had two sets of the game, with the full band kit and within a week, this one has stopped working. It's ridiculous.
This shouldn't be happening.
Really.



I want to play it, but I can't.
Fail, Redoctane.

There have been times, like these, before now, that I’ve lost pretty much all faith in the prospect of trusting other people. If you want something done, it’s better to remain on your own without fear of dispute or complications involving negligence and general selfish wankery. Also, it’s that whole ‘A Donkey is a Horse designed by comity’ argument that is just basically the problems with trying to decide on something with more than one person. It might not come out how you wanted it to; therefore you could consider it inferiour, trying to compromise to please everyone involved. ‘Too many cooks spoil a broth’, etc. Basically, it’s a general problem. Putting faith in other people is often just hoping for something better than is received, eventually. You start to pretend; fool yourself that you can actually lay at least some kind of responsibilities with somebody else; to turn up, bring something, or just generally remember to keep to what they told they would do. Also, it’s just rude. It’s rude to just assume it’s fine and that I should consider it fine, also. Most people who do this kind of thing end up just turning around, when the problem is mentioned to them, with indignation. They shouldn’t have to answer to it, but will anyway, with arrogance and spite:

‘It’s your fault for letting it annoy you.’

‘It’s your fault for making “a big deal” out of it’

People seem to have problems just generally admitting to their own faults, so they attack the “accuser” (but more like, ‘informer’. But they would probably use ‘Attacker’), hoping to throw them off and to avoid the possible idea of admittance. It’s cowardly, is what it is.

You’re using the other person as a scapegoat in your feverous attempts to avoid any form of truth that you may perceive to be negative.

They often refer to the other as a possessor of the same negative traits, ultimately implying that they are somehow hypocrites and therefore, unqualified to judge that person. Whether the person accusing is or is not guilty of this problem, it’s not their turn, it’s yours, to pay the price for your ignorance.
Also, the common defence is to just accuse the other of knowing too little. For example; you and a friend plan to meet, and the other friend doesn’t turn up at the allotted time. You ring/text them and ask them as to why. It turns out that they’ve found themselves busy with some other issue. Work, maybe, it doesn’t really matter what exactly. Then you, rightly so, are annoyed by their lack of communication before hand. You’ve made the effort to turn up, and they’ve told you the news, late, and on request (you shouldn’t need to actively ask, they should have told you pre-meeting) and when you complain about it, they act like you’ve done something wrong.

“I’m a busy person”

There’s generally no remorse for the confusion of the fact that they’ve put the other person out. It’s generally insensitive and it’s incredibly anti-social. It shows that you don’t really care what effort they’ve done to meet you and all that matters is how you’re feeling. They might have travelled by many a bus and hour to come, just to see you, in a city centre, and you’ve left them to do that, without warning of the pointlessness of that, ultimately. And even if there was no way to get the news to them before they caught that bus, at least have the decency to be empathic and apologetic for the mistake. It may not have been avoidable, but, you have a duty as a friend to be remorseful that you disappointed your friend. Besides, you should at least be annoyed that you couldn’t be with your friend. Have some respect for your friend; the friend that put their faith in you, that of which, you failed.

Remember, for next time.

I'm really getting into Videosforpictures, the musical work of YouTuber ofarevolution441, and internet friend/video collaberatererer of mine, Ja(y/)son.

Honestly, when I first heard is work, I was bordering on my decisions on it, not knowing which seemed the more likely, as they seemed to balance each other out.
One was: 'This is...just terribly straining. He can barely sing and it's so convoluted, I can't even take it in'
But, with any form of art, you need to take a step back and appreciate it on a higher spectrum.

In actual fact, VFP is a stunning contribution to music.
It's odd because, you always like to imagine you're with something special, like a band, as it progresses before the mainstream, but you don't realise it until it's become mainstream, and this is similar here.
VFP is special.
It's an oddly unique blend of Radiohead-esk abstract indie, experimental, math, a slight hint of raw grunge and the cutting piano chord striking beautifulness that fills every track and is a sound ahead of nearly anything that's about now.
His straining voice is oddly endearing and just induces empathic feelings from his audience. You feel every vocal chord with him, like a true musical story teller.
His lyrics are very T. Yorke influenced, and evidentially so. There's a constant stream of abstract naturalism throughout it all, which, when examined, spell out a beautiful and poetic portrayal of a young man's opinions on his world, and the people that surround him.
The music itself is raw, distorted piano, on poor recording software (a video camera's mic...), which adds so much for the type of music he makes, in actual fact. You may listen first time around and think that he really needs a good quality studio, but, in actual fact, that would just ruin it's air; it's atmosphere. The music is dark, dingy and dirty, yet optimistic and richly heartwarming and being recorded with such low quality just gives the impression of a recording in a cold, empty cellar, devoid of any purity.
This, ironically, is what makes VFP a whole and centred piece of art.
It is exactly that; ideals and observations of a mind, centred in the middle of a cold, empty, dark, dingy and dirty world, staring at the what is and the mind's opinions on that exactly.
The torn, beaten, ripped and chisel-stricken sound, including his weary, almost pathetic, (in it's actual definition's form, rather than a derogatory misterminalisation) voice, which is just crying out for someone to listen, but, in a musical form/tune.

I highly recommend.
And tbh, this isn't bias.
I have been friends with many people who have made music and I just can't bring myself to tell them how crap it is.
This is actually brilliant.
Gogogogogogo.

Download Very Three, his first EP:
http://www.mediafire.com/?zgtcouv7gjt

http://www.youtube.com/ofarevolution441
http://www.youtube.com/videosforpictures

Songs to recommend:
From The Clouds, Cow In Parachute and Big Damn Buildings.
However, 'FTC' is off his unreleased next EP, The Dryas EP, which is out...sometime.
Yes, i'm in with the coolz.


For a lack of a video of FTC, CIP or BDB.
Not discounting The Brilliance (see what I did?! no) of it.

I found my notebook, of which, i'm very happy about. It was sitting behind my bed, where it had fallen days before. Whist watching Funny Games on FilmFour, I was constantly thinking about it, and, I had speculated it being down the back of my bed, but never looked; so, during a break, I went determinately fishing for it and found. I was so relieved, honestly; I kissed it and held it close and thanked whomever it was that I didn't leave it in some foreign nowhere.

Anyway...I found the disc for the scanner, installed the driver, and have scanned several prints of some workings.
On forth with the scans!

They're...okay.


The image is of a girl named Rae.





Please forgive the angling.
I can't help that.
I need Preview back...I was a fool for deleting. Hopefully, I can nick a copy of the software off Alan.
I'm sick of viewing images in Xee (*grumble*) and more recently, Safari.
You can't just...edit the rotation, for crying out loud.

If anyone has like, Preview on a torrent somewhere, please tell me of it?
I need it, a lot.
I was clumsy to think that this thing was like Windows and that everything in the Applications folder was just a shortcut.
Damn my OCD shifting of the not used actively via program click!

My god, it's like a dinner date with Hitler and Satan.

A few points.

I'm in a bad mood. I have work to do and I am in no fit mind set to do it efficiently.
That's a lie.
I have done the work, but there was little to do for it.

"This would be time that I would wake if I'd been to sleep at all and watch you dream"

I feel like i'm drowning in constant listlessness. I try not to let it be so, but, really, it's hard to maintain a positive attitude when you really cannot be fucked in doing so.
No reason.
No happiness.
Again, i'm just sick of pretending.

I'm lonely.
And not in a 'need amazing friends' kinda way, though that would help if I had some more.
No.
I need a man, desperately.
And someone I can actually fall in love.
I mean, i'm fucking too fickle as it is, but tbh, I think anyone would be with my choices.
They're all too pretentious and loud and annoying and idiotic.

There are people I do like, but, some I can't be arsed with, mainly due to the fact that I don't like them enough for it to matter, and that they can't really be fucking taking any notice of me.

And I wish I didn't have to keep writing notes of this nature, because, you know, I don't want to feel like this.
Obviously.
But, do you know what I mean?
I don't want to constantly be complaining about my lack of happiness.
I want to be in love because i know at this moment in time, it is the lack of emotion given and received that is making me so apathetic and listless.
I just want it to change, but, it's one of things only time will solve, but, how long i'll have to wait, is whole other planet.

Anyway, few notes on stuff i've been writing; I have been doodling and writing in varying notebooks I own for a while now, and I really want to showcase these pieces of thought, but, I feel a bit 'meh' just typing them up, so when i've got the scanner working with my Macbook, then, we'll see further posts of that nature.

Oh, it's all such hassle.

I think i'm running out of people. Interesting people.
Most people I seem to talk to now don't interest me, and there's only a small few who actually do.
I think those people know who they are, because I spend more time with them than anyone else gives me.
And that's one of the problems.
People don't seem to want me to know them enough.
They don't want to make the effort to know me either, because, as it would seem, i'm not worth it.
I try and instigate plans with people, but, constantly, they turn me down because they're too busy; they're too tired; or some other bollocks excuse.
And also, it's always me who tries to encourage activity.
I can't see how, if they actually care about me, that not paying an interest in me is proof.
The internet is lack-luster and i'm sick of using it for communication.
Fucking sick of it, but, most times, it's the only way to talk to people; people who don't even deserve it.

You get it with close friends; they're people who fill you with happiness and excitement upon talking to, and such.
I can shamefully say that there's no one who actually does for me.
Sure, there are people I like the fact that I know, and I like being around, but in terms of filling my heart with excitement, it's lacking for a lot of people in my life.
However, I think I've come to a conclusion to my problem, however, the problem is just solving it.

Friends aren't what I need right now.
I've been forgotten about by too many to actually care about putting my heart on anyone plutonic based.
I don't need a friend, I need a boyfriend.

Sure, I've wanted one for a fucking age and not gotten one due to the limitations of being quite fickle (or the fact that the stereotypical figure of a homosexual leaves me cringing and angry rather than aroused), but, it's finally gotten to a stage that I'm just sick of waiting and thinking that filling that place with friends will make me happy, because it wont.
I can't be around my friends the way I could be around a boyfriend. I want to be able to display intimacy with someone, but, I am always disappointed giving it to people I only like as friends.
Don't get me wrong, I like friends.
I like having friends, but, without having a boy I can cuddle and call my own, I'm rendered not happy.

I don't expect anything from you, reader, by the way.
I don't expect sympathy, an answer or scrutiny.
If you read my blog, you're reading the contents of my mind, and I'll be damned to apologise for them because I am not ashamed of myself or my thoughts and if i'm not happy with something, I don't want to pretend that It doesn't matter because other people think it's their business to bully me about it.
So, no, I don't want your opinions.
This blog is for me to write, and for you to read, but not to judge me because, after all, I'm not a murderer.

I have arms made of splintered glasses.
Don't hold me, dear.
I wouldn't want to harm you, dear.

I'm feeling quite tired. Today has been quite alright.
Apart from my little stop toward the evening and during.
Fine now.

Meh.

Half an hour until a meal with my parents.
Four hours until Video Nasties.
One Day until Alan's birthday.
Five days until Nevershoutnever!'s EP.
Fourteen days until Paul's birthday.
Seventeen days until that acoustic night with Smile Like Texas, Joey and someone else.
Twenty days until I see This Town Needs Guns in Liverpool.

I can't sleep without your breathing;

I wrote this today, whilst sitting in Starbucks: