Wolves Riding Bears.

Everything's banal monotonous nothing. Everyone's selfish and self-centred. No one's interesting or vibrant. Everything is bland and yet everything is confusing. I feel like I'm locked in a box with loads of people, all of whom are ignoring me. My emotions are in tatters, and the more and more people ignore and disregard me, the more I want to hate them. But I can't even experience true hatred anymore. I've forgotten how to feel love and how to feel hate. I don't even know what I am now. I just brood, all day, with no respite. I am constantly pent up with frustration and I am never settled. I don't have any distinguishable feelings for anyone or anything and I see no change. I try and look for help and I get fuck all. I try and look for sympathy and am ignored or disregarded. I try and over look it, but people just anger me so much that I am forced to think ill of everything again.
I hate this so much, I feel close to breaking every single fucking day. I feel so alone and so disliked and below everything remotely good. I can't remember how happiness feels. I can't remember the last time I loved anyone. I am disconnected from everything and there's nothing I can do to help myself. I can't even pacify the feeling with music or films or books. I feel like shit. And I don't care about putting it in context with people who are in worse situations than I. Fuck you for patronising me. This always happens. I am so paranoid. I feel like everyone's just out to give me negativity and no one wants to prove me wrong! I don't want to feel like this, but whenever I try and be open to everyone and everything, nothing changes.

I am so lot. So very, very lost.
I constantly check my phone or social networking sites, in the vain hope that anybody will have me in their thoughts, and more often than not, I am proven right. If not, it's some inane twat I have no interest in. Always the way. God. This is such a rut. And I never shut up about it. I'm in a cycle I can't escape from.
No end.