Followers

    Once, there was a man, born inside of a world made of steal and hate. He was bred on unusual social habits, mainstream entertainment and silently strict principles. Eventually, he pulled himself up, dusted himself off and moved on to form his own self. He found nice clothes, amazingly unique music, put on his fake, large glasses, started writing stories and applied bohemia to his life.

    Please, join on this trail of madness.

    About Me

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    I am a man, without a plan, hoping to find it.

I'm not happy.

Fuck. This just seems to be getting worse. But I don't have anything to cling onto anymore. I mean, what do I have, really? Nothing that's making me happy, that's for sure. I have a free house for a week and a bit as my parents have gone holiday. I'm 19, nearly 20 this year and what friends do I have to show for it? Non. I mean, I have mates, but not friends. I can't say that I know anyone that means anything to me, or I mean anything to them. I have nothing in common with anyone I know, really. I feel so distant from everyone. I mean, where are the friends coming over all the time and us having a laugh and me being happy? I hate this, I hate everything. I never get any interest, I never get any gratification that I might actually be a likeable fucking human being. I just feel like 'That guy'. You know what that means? 'That guy' is nothing more than his title. I mean, I might get 'that weird guy' if I'm lucky? But fuck, I'm on no one's list. I am no one's best friend. I am no one's no. 1. I am no one's crush. I am no one's cool new friend. I am no one. I feel so worthless. People are meant to make me happy, but here I am, feeling like fucking shit and have been for the past two years. I never meet anyone I can corner into being friends with me, and I've never been shown mercy by people I would even want to spend time with and enjoy being friends with. I just see impurities everywhere. Sure, I see the basic needs, like a house, food, and a loving family, but as it seems, that doesn't seem to be enough. I feel like I'm growing old too fast and I feel like any young love and life I could have had has sailed by me, leaving me to just get on with my life. I want to enjoy my youth. It wont be long before I'm 25 and looking back on the past five years wondering what happened to them too.

I just wish I could promise myself a future, but it just seems too bleak to be positive. Every day I try and over look how I feel and how shit everything feels, and you know what? It doesn't change, and I don't feel better.

Posted by : ELMH on Monday, 7 June 2010 | |

 

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